It happens to each one of us from time to time, and it can be really aggravating. A person you trust or assumed you had good relations with does something to backstab you or disrespect you. If that person was not friend or family, you might just banish them from your life and not have to interact with them again. But that isn’t necessarily practical if the individual is a member of your family or social circle. Occasionally you have to pardon and forget otherwise the resentment can cause you personal strife.

But sourness and fury are powerful emotions which will gain control over you if you do not have strategies for dealing with them. I am going to teach you about one method I have found very useful in conquering or limiting my bitterness, anger, and dislike of folks I haven’t any way out but to interact with. I first read about this strategy in self-development guru Anthony Robbins’ book Awaken The Giant Within. To switch your emotions you have to change the things that you focus on. So when you’re caught up in destructive feelings towards another, change your focus by asking yourself “What do I respect about this person?” In all likelihood, your response will be “Nothing!”. That’s alright. But ask again, this time changing the question to “What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?” This time you’ll probably think of something respectable about them. Focus on that side of the individual, and you may end up flowing into another more positive emotional state.

The reason why the second question is so strong is that we regularly resist emotions that cause us discomfort. In this situation, for instance, being indignant gives you the illusion of having more charge over the situation, so you resist moving away from that fury and passing into a happier state. You feel at home with the fury. But by asking the question hypothetically, as in “if you wanted to”, you are removing the resistance since you do not have to personally take accountability for whatever ideas you come up with about that person. You are simply brainstorming hypothetically. But the key is that your emotions will follow your focus, so although you are only thinking hypothetically, you are now concentrating on something good and your emotions will move into a more positive state.

Let us take a look at an example so you may understand what I mean. Shall we say your mother is overprotective of you and won’t stop trying to shelter you from the world even though you are a grown adult. I know from personal history this can cause plenty of resentment and disappointment. The primary thought of the person is “Stop trying to manipulate me!” But then you ask the question “What do I respect about my mother?” Maybe your answer is “Nothing! She needs to leave me alone” then rephrase the question, “What could you respect about her if you wanted to?” Then you’ll probably come up with something similar to “Well, she obvious|clear}ly loves me. She wants to keep me safe. She’s a caring person.” That hypothetical brainstorming has altered your focus and your emotional state, and you probably feel a little more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions. That does not imply you have to permit her behaviour, but it can help you handle it in a rational, positive way instead of degenerating into fury and antagonism that can cause damage to the relationship and reduce your overall contentment.

Knowing how to control your emotional states can offer you amazing power over your life and you. The above is only one simple example, but there are numerous other ways to get control of your emotions. I highly recommend Anthony Robbins’ book Awaken The Giant Within as a helpful source of practical techniques to help you achieve this.